False Feelings

I know that what I am feeling is wrong
The emotions I am feeling are false
I shouldn’t want to do this to myself.

I feel as though I am enormous
And everything I eat feels like a betrayal to myself
Every mouthful makes me feel ill.

But I know that I don’t eat enough
To sustain a normal person.
But still I feel this way
Every time I eat.

After each meal the struggle begins.
To keep the food down
Not to rush off and purge it from my body
To relieve the feelings inside.

Sometimes I win
Sometimes I lose
But the struggle goes on everyday.