Fear and Loathing

Why do I do this to myself?
Each time it happens I know that it is wrong
But still I do it.

First I get the self-loathing
Then I feel the need come over me
To hurt myself this way.

I know that it is wrong
But I do not care
Because of the way it makes me feel.

The relief is so immense
That I feel better
The instance the first cut is made

As the blood wells to the surface
I feel relief and disgust mixed
But I have to do it again
Until the urge recedes and I am calm within.